Living with chronic pain is something I never expected to deal with myself. I took forgranted the fact that life was going along just fine, then last spring I walked across a parking lot, hit a hole in the road hidden by shadows, twisted, fell, threw everything out of whack, and things have not been the same since.
Who would have thought that one stupid fall could cause such tremendous amounts of pain -- on a daily basis. I have not had one day which has been pain-free since that day. When I fell I twisted wrong, and tore ligaments in my shoulder/back, severely injured my neck and low back -- but all of those things combined have made it extremely difficult to walk, stand or sit. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to find some relief and I have improved -- I can stand for more than 10 seconds at a time (which I could not do for the first 6 months without excruciating pain) -- I can walk short distances, and I can sit (although not for very long).
All this leads me to my huge amounts of compassion for others who are living with chronic pain. I think the things I miss the most are the simple things -- getting in and out of a car without shooting pains, going one day without the headaches or sciatic pain, being able to go to a store and not have to lean on a cart or virtually collapse when getting home, and being able to sit at my desk and not about scream when the sciatic pain shoots down my leg. I've had to lay on the floor during meetings with my business partner because I could not function while sitting or standing. I am grateful for understanding in those situations. Most of all I miss the ability to play with my nieces and nephews. The worst thing is to have the children beg and beg for me to play with them and I can't! They will only be young for a short time and I am missing out!
But I do feel blessed that my pain is not as bad as what other people deal with. I can't imagine the suffering of those with severe burns, those going through chemotherapy and those who have lost their sight. I have learned compassion for others and have gained a perspective I may have never gained otherwise. I look around me and wonder how many others are in my same situation -- hurting and trying to keep going on as if nothing was wrong. I wonder how many I may have judged harshly or incorrectly because they did not follow through on something, or responded in a non-friendly way. Perhaps they were just doing the best they could do to get through the day.
I have not accepted the possibility that I may hurt or be limited the rest of my life. That is not acceptable to me. So, I keep trying new therapists and new remedies in my search for wellness. I believe our bodies can heal if we give them an environment to do so -- with our nutrition, lowered stress, plenty of sleep, and medical attention when necessary. I am trying to balance all of those things, with work (trying to earn enough money to pay for the help I need.)
So to all of the rest of you out there who are also living with chronic pain -- I send my good wishes, loving thoughts, and encouragement out to you.